Larry King: Film Critic

As I was watching TV last night and again as an ad on Sporcle today, I see that Larry King calls The Fourth Kind, "a remarkable movie that boggles the mind," and says, "This is Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind." When did this man become a reliable film critic? I'm not going to a movie because Larry King says so; in fact, I'm probably avoiding it.

I'm just waiting for this commercial. Larry King calls suspenders, "stylish," "more than just straps to hold your pants up," and "the wave of the future. They're not just for firefighters anymore!"

I didn't realize just anyone could be shown on TV as promoting a movie. Next thing you know, it'll be, "Paris Hilton calls Where the Wild Things Are 'Hot.' "

Add one more to the list of my web addictions...

This time my addiction is the movie ranking website known as FlickChart.

The premise is simple. After you register, the site will give you two movies. If you've seen them both, click on the one you like better. If you've seen one but not the other, click the "haven't seen it" button under the one you haven't seen until you get two movies you have seen. If you've seen neither, click the "Haven't seen either" button.

Once you start ranking movies you've seen, they will start to form a dynamically changing ordered list of your favorite movies. At first, some movies might be a lot higher than you expected, but with time, and use of the right filters, these movies will find it to where they belong.

Right now the friends features aren't too robust, but they plan to add a lot more to it, like where you can see a composite ranking of the Top Films of All-Time just based on the rankings of your friends. That is something I'm really interested in, and so I'm hoping to get as many of my friends and family into this as possible.

Doing this has made me realize there are some movies that I like a lot more than I realized I did. And movies that I didn't realize I liked so much better than everyone else. On Flickchart, Driven was one of the 40 worst movies of all-time. However, I rate it at #45 on my list. I really, really liked it. But those things happen here and there. Still, it makes for good debate. If you do join (and please do), let me know your username so I can add you as my friend.

I'm not obsessed... but I am getting a little irritated.

So, it's been over a week since I've actually been able to get on Facebook. Supposedly there is "site" maintenance on one of their servers that some user accounts are on, mine obviously included. I've heard rumors that that server may have crashed and that they may have lost a lot of account data and whatnot. They're keeping it pretty quiet, and it's really bugging me. I'm not one of those obsessed people who can't live without it; I've obviously gone 8 days now without the darned thing. But I now feel like I don't know what people are up to.

This is gonna seem weird, especially coming from someone who detests smoking like I do. However, one of the greatest smells in the world has to be the smell of a pipe being smoked. In an even crazier notion, they should make a pipe smoke smelling air freshener.

This one left me a bit speechless this week -- a little dog came running up to me, barking and growling at me as I was delivering mail. When I get up to the house where he belongs his owner comes out and says. "Don't worry about him; he wouldn't hurt a flea!" Say what??? What is this dog's problem? All I care is that he won't be nipping at my heels, as one usually gets rough looks when he attempts to punt a canine across a yard. But how weak and unmotivated can a dog be to not even combat his own flea problem? At least my dog scratches at them whe she gets fleas.

Columbus Day is tomorrow, so no work for me! Nothing better than celebrating a holiday for a person who really didn't do anything! So he sailed 3 ships; big whoop. You can't exactly discover something that people are already inhabiting. Heck, he thought he was in the East Indies, hence why he called the natives "Indians". Regardless, I'll take a paid day off work any time they'll let me.

Go Isopods!

Have you seen this nasty thing? These were found off the coast of Britain, inside weaver fish. It's called the Tongue-eating louse (Cymothoa exigua). What it basically does it attaches itself to the fish's tongue and sucks the blood from it until the tongue atrophies, at which point it pretty much takes over as the fish's tongue. For the rest of the fish's life, it's tongue is this living creature. It does not harm the fish in any way, but I imagine the fish doesn't get many dates from that point on. At least, not many second dates.

Get this -- in Sofia, Bulgaria, Sports Minister Svilen Neikov ordered an investigation after the same lottery numbers were selected by the ball machine two weeks in a row. Turns out it was a coincidence, but come on, how crazy of a coincidence is that? And an unprecedented 18 people got those numbers right the next week. That might be the cause for concern, right there. Why the heck would 1 person pick the same numbers that just won last week, let alone 18? Seems like they knew something everyone else didn't. Who knows?

Those new re-mastered Beatles albums sold 2.25 million copies in 5 days. It just further proves what we already know; the Fab Four were the greatest band of all-time. They were great innovators in their time. Abbey Road probably sits somewhere in the Top 10 albums of all-time, with multiple others in the Top 100.

And, on a postally related note, a Massachusetts postal worker was arrested for stealing over 30,000 Netflix DVDs from the mailstream. What a friggin' moron! It's jerks like this that give the honest postal workers (like me, of course) a bad name. Netflix got suspicious when customers in the area were reporting over 100 movies a week not reaching their destination. Who the heck thinks a company wouldn't notice 100 movies a week? And of course, postal inspectors got involved, started watching, and saw him slipping them into his backpack.

Wait, what? What's he doing with a backpack? We've been told time and again, no backpacks or big coats on the workroom floor. It's so people aren't trying to run off with stuff. Sounds to me like he's not the only one who has a hard time following the rules.

Seems like I read every day about a worker caught doing something. The more of you that do something stupid, the faster the postal workforce gets down to a more economical level. So keep it up, bozos.

Fruitopia

I began wondering the other day if Fruitopia was still around. We had a vending machine when I was in high school that had the stuff, and I drank quite a bit of the "Tremendously Tangerine" during the nights we spent editing the school video news. I was really wanting to get it again and see if it was as great as I remember it being. So, I looked it up. Wikipedia told me it was discontinued in 2001. Where the heck have I been?

And why the heck did the IGA take my Hot Links away again? This is sacrilege! I think it somehow stems from the fact that I hadn't bought any for a few months, and I was probably the only purchaser of them. I should lodge a formal complaint. At this rate, my best bet may just be to move to Johnsonville. All my favorites tend to disappear. Surge was on the map for a few years and then it vanished. Life has never been the same.

Cylinder bars and snapping rolls...

So I am pretty sure that I just saw Betty the Cavatini Lady at Charleston Wal-Mart checking out at the express lane as I was walking in. At her age, I figured she wouldn't remember me, and she may have been panting like a dog, I wasn't sure, so I didn't approach her. Anyone who remembers her knows what an odd sort she was. She's in her 80s I'm sure, she always had me make her cavatini when she came in, she wore way too much lipstick and made sure you ended up with some on your cheek, and she had a gospel CD. And if you ever heard her sing, you'd probably be gouging your ears with sharp sticks. It was like the sound of a sheep dying.

Jules and I used to always say we were going to set her up with Ray Hall. Ray was another interesting character. He owned some company we quasi-made a website for. He illicited such phrases from Jules and I as "old man smell" and "put my cylinder bar in your snapping roll." I do believe he died last year though.

Time to tell you about my latest addiction, courtesy of a link posted on Facebook by my cousin Juli. It's called Sporcle. It's a site that has quizzes that are usually a category with a big list of correct answers, and a set amount of time to get as many as you can. For a trivia buff like myself, it's hard to find an online quiz site that doesn't have all multiple choice questions. Any trivia hound worth their weight in gold knows that multiple choice is the devil's spawn.

While I was at the Cardinals game they announced something as the "official something or other of the Cardinals". This got me to thinking, "I wonder if I could make money and let businesses become official products of me." So, businesses, here's your chance. I'll promote anything. Hemorrhoid cream, feminine hygiene products, suppositories, whatever.

I guess she is "retired"...

A piece of junk mail caught me off guard today. I looked at it, said to myself "Nope, this doesn't belong at this address," and shoved it to the back of my hand. Once I gave it a little more thought, however, I had to look at it again. The name on this piece of mail -- Sarah Palin.

It was from the AARP, lol. I guess now that she has "retired" she can be a member. Of course, the AARP is one of those groups I don't understand anyway. I've seen a couple of people on my route get the AARP newsletter at the place where they work. Now, if you're working, you aren't retired, so you don't need in the AARP.

Also, I swear the AARP sends out the same magazine like 2 or 3 months in a row. It has the same person on the cover anyway. I guess they figure these people are old; they'll forget if they read these articles a few weeks ago.

But back to Sarah Palin. I'm pretty sure she didn't live at this address. For one, I searched the entire residence and could find nowhere in which you could see Russia in viewing distance of this house. Truth is, it was probably just someone being a prankster. Reminds me of a name I used to see on the other side of town -- Mary Christmas. Although, in Mary's case, I believe she was actually a real person. Crazy name. I bet I could guess her nickname in school. Ho, Ho, Ho, Mary Christmas.

Forgotten Favorites

Everyone knows Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and Wile E. Coyote. What some may not know are some of the more obscure Looney Tunes characters. Some of these are my very favorites, and I would like to introduce them to you. Of my 5 followers, I imagine Juli knows these characters; for everyone else, I have my doubts.

The first character worth noting is Gossamer. As you see here, he's just this big hairy thing with tennis shoes. In the older Looney Tunes episodes, I believe he only appeared in 2 episodes -- this one, where a mad scientist lured bugs here to serve as food for Gossamer, and another episode with most of the exact same plot where they called him Rudolph. He then became rehashed years later in the Duck Dodgers and the Return of the 24 1/2th Century short. In that, we find out he is, in fact, entirely made of hair.


Many people know this guy -- he's Michigan J. Frog, the mascot of the WB. But have they seen the one Looney Tunes episode from many many moons ago, in which a man finds this singing and dancing frog? This man happens to be very greedy, and as he invests a lot of time and money preparing to cash in on his talented frog, he ends up finding out the frog won't sing for anyone but this man. It's really a great episode.



But here is my absolute favorite of the obscure characters from Looney Tunes. When I was a kid, I'd watch Looney Tunes for hours just hoping one of these episodes would come on.

This is Cool Cat. Yes, he does bear some artistic similarities to the Pink Panther, but let's bypass that. The Pink Panther does not have an awesome scarf and beret! And, he's not voiced by the extremely talented Larry Storch. Storch was extremely funny as Corporal Agarn on F Troop (which most of my followers I'm sure have no idea of) and was The Groovy Guru in one of my favorite episodes of Get Smart. Cool Cat talked like a beatnik, and acted like a 60s hippie. He was hilarious.

Cool Cat, in most of his episodes, was being chased by the crazy Colonel Rimfire (who was also voiced by Storch). This big game hunter carried a blunderbuss and rode around in a mechanical elephant, truly one of the greatest inventions in the history of Looney Tunes.

Unfortunately this is the only Cool Cat episode I can find, and it comes with commentary. I don't think Colonel Rimfire is in this one.

This is the Heat of the Moment

No, this isn't a blog where I sing the greatest hits of Asia, I'm talking about my lack of air conditioning. The compressor went out of ours, and since our air conditioner would be getting its drivers license this year, I guess it's time to retire it and get a nice energy efficient model. Unfortunately, that costs money. Anyone got any get rich quick schemes, or want to hire me part time to pay for this thing? Also, we're having some duct work redone because the bozo who did it before we bought the place did a shoddy job. It seems to be his calling card. My A/C guy has already redone his duct work in 8 different houses this year.

Cuba, in the midst of their own financial crisis, is running short on toilet paper. Well, crap. No wait, don't! You have nothing to wipe it with! You've got to be pretty poor to not be able to afford toilet paper. Cuba blames the 47-year-old trade embargo that we put on them for most of these issues. Well, shouldn't have pissed us off.

Hard to tell if this is a man or just a woman in the circus, but reports say this Texas inmate hid a gun in his "flabs of fat." Nice to know they're still feeding you well in the slammer. I have so much I'd like to say about the treatment of prisoners. Supposedly they still have rights, but I'd like to think they checked those at the door when they were admitted. A typical day in the prison I'd run would consist of that old chain-gang ditch digging crap you see in the movies, maybe banging out some license plates, and picking up trash out on the interstate. That's just before breakfast. Breakfast is bread and water, if you're lucky. Don't forget that you'd be in tents outside and there would be no contact with the outside world. Before you go to bed, there's a really big gay dude that will come around to your tent, and he doesn't take no for an answer. I bet there isn't a line outside of people waiting to get into this prison.

Today's musical spotlight is on Big Audio Dynamite. This obscure 80s band was formed by Mick Jones in 1983 after he was fired from The Clash (which is another band that doesn't always get their due). He formed B.A.D. and turned them into an alt-dance group, of sorts. It really sounds nothing like the clash, with a lot of spoken word tape inserts in the middle of the songs. But it seems to work, especially on the wonderfully catchy "E=MC^2". "The Bottom Line" and "Rush" are a couple of other standout songs from Jones and company.

Thought I'd throw together something quickly before Olivia and I head over to my mom's for a cookout.

Why the heck was I working today? Shouldn't this have been a postal holiday or something??? Today is Wayne Knight's birthday. Confused? You're thinking, "Who the heck is Wayne Knight?" Well he just happens to be one of the most famous mail carriers ever. He was "Newman" on Seinfeld. I'm guessing had he shown mail carriers in a more favorable light, maybe we'd get today off. He wasn't exactly a shining beacon of wonderfulness. Being a letter carrier isn't all roses and puppies though, so maybe he had a reason for his attitude. Just check out this survey of 200 jobs given to people. Mail Carrier ended up at #189. On the bright side, it is ahead of garbage collector. Man I'd hate that job. I just hate when it passes me by on the street, those things reek.

Courtesy of my buddy Todd, here's a good use for an empty drive bay in your computer. It's the PC Easybake Oven. If Julez had this, he'd probably never leave his computer.

I think I'm gonna add a regular feature to my blogs highlighting a musical artist or group that is getting a lot of regular play for me. Maybe that'll give them some more exposure to the people that read this blog, most of whom probably haven't heard much from them. Today's spotlight is on The Smiths. This was a band I was really kinda "meh" on at first, but this has happened with a number of bands for me -- Steely Dan and Yes for two -- and those both rose to the top of my favorite bands list after a while.

The Smiths are likely one of the best bands of the 80s alternative and indie rock movement. No one in the band is named Smith, they wanted a name that wouldnt sound pompous, as opposed to names like Orchestral Maneouvres in the Dark and Spandau Ballet. The band was spearheaded by the very strange Steven Morrissey, who usually just goes by his surname, and the great guitarist Johnny Marr. Their most famous song is likely "How Soon is Now?", which I'll admit is very good, but my favorite songs from the group are "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now", "There is a Light That Never Goes Out", and "The Boy With the Thorn in His Side". You'll notice that they like to use song names that are longer than the entire lyrics of many other artists' songs.

I know that it's unlikely that I just got anyone to rush over and download those songs, but you really should. They're that good. Of course, that's just my opinion, and I know I listen to some pretty weird stuff compared to others.

I've also been thinking about attempting to put some parts of my website back together. While that's probably an exercise in futility, I still plan on giving it a shot when I get some free time.

Random Nonsense

I said 2 or 3 times a week and I meant it. I was just waiting for people to prove they were listening. I don't have anything big to say right now, so let's just toss out some randomness.

I guess some new television ads in Brazil are encouraging people to save water... by urinating in the shower. That would save a flush. Maybe we should just hop in the shower every time we have to go! That would be sanitary! BTW, for those who were at my house Saturday night for the argument on bathroom exhaust fans, everywhere I've read online mentions that one of their uses is for "odors". Take that, Tiff!

Some dude from Belleville got a DUI while riding his lawnmower up to the gas station to get himself some more beer. He already had his license revoked for a DUI. Guess he assumed that riding a lawnmower while intoxicated wasn't dangerous either. What a tool. When the police tried to stop him he just motored on into his front yard, spilling his 12-pack of Milwaukee's Best all over the place. You knew it was gonna be the lamest, most white trash beer ever, didn't you?

The sixth edition of UCLA Slang is out. Gee, I've been waiting for this all year. One of the new slang words is "obama". It means "cool". If someone tells me that "I'm so obama", I'm gonna go ballistic. Ridiculous. It ought to mean "guy who pulls the wool over everyone's eyes." Bromance made it into this edition -- I know you were all pulling for it. And Chase will be enlightened to know that eargasm is in here. And yes, I think it means what you think it means.

Britain's biggest carp died -- is this crap really newsworthy? This kind of stuff really bugged one of my idols, the late George Carlin. One of his real peeves was announcing Mickey Mouse's birthday on the news as if it were some sort of actual event. If you've never heard George and some of his stuff, I suggest you search for it. His two books are also great reads -- Braindroppings and Napalm and Silly Putty. There's some overlap if you'd listened to a lot of his stage material, but it's hysterical nonetheless. It's something you can pick up just for a minute or two and then come back to it later. It's a lot of random wit and cynicism.

Brant and I played some Tichu online lastnight; we got smoked. Hopefully we get to play again soon, I need redemption for my poor performance. I called Tichu at least twice and never got it. If anyone wants to play against us, just let us know. Getting around the mostly German BrettSpielWelt is a bit of a bear, but it can be done.

That's all for this time. Tomorrow marks my 4th anniversary of becoming a postal worker. Will anyone on my route give me a gift???

OK so it's been a really long time, but I promise, this blog is coming back with a vengeance! Expect 2 to 3 blogs a week, maybe even more if I get considerably long-winded or it seems like I am getting an audience.

Speaking of getting an audience, this blog comes with "Google Friend Connect". Please become one of my followers so that I can see what kind of a crowd is gathering to read the latest mumbo-jumbo spewing forth from my fingers.

I have been mentioning this just about everywhere, but I'll mention it here to anyone who doesn't pay attention to me enough -- if you're a game player in any way, shape, or form, you owe it to yourself to play Tichu. One caveat here is that the game MUST be played with 4 players in partnerships. Wikipedia's page on Tichu is a good place to get a crash course on what the game holds. I feel I'm pretty good at the game, and if lastnight was any indication, I was on the team that was a huge victor both times.

I think being an evil overlord sounds like a lot of fun. However, there are a list of dont's for evil overlords that many budding tyrants seem to forget about. This list should be posted on the door at Evil Overlord School: Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became an Evil Overlord.

I promise (hopefully) that this will be the only reference I make to the late Michael Jackson on my blog. You know the coolest thing about Michael Jackson that many people may not know? He had this outrageously large collection of arcade cabinets. Other than that, I don't care what you think of him. Here are some pictures.

I'll be back in another day or two, hopefully with a rant on something I find ridiculous.